For Pakistani men (not all, some are wise or otherwise) dosri shadi is a dream they often see. For Pakistani women dosri shadi of their husbands is their Achilles Heels. There are plenty of jokes in our culture when it comes to marriage and also second marriage.
One commonly heard phrase of Urdu is “shadi ka ladoo jo khaye woh bhi pachtaye, aur jo na khaye, who bhi pachtaye”. If roughly translated it means that people who marry regret it and those who don’t also regret it.
However, the matter of dosri shadi is more complex. Men in our culture often give the Islamic reference in nothing else but this particular matter. They take pride in how 4 marriages are halal on them. For women on the other hand, the thought of having a sautan means end of life for them.
What is the real deal with dosri or for that matter teesri shadi? There are just way too many scenarios that lead up to men’s triumph of saying qabool hai rather joyously.
If the husband doesn’t want to marry again, his mother would be adamant that he does so that he could have a heir; the offspring that would continue the great legacy of the family.
If it isn’t the evil mother in law trying to make her first bahu’s life hell, then there is mostly a bad character gold digger in workplace. The wife is constantly in a state of fear, she is sharpening her spying skills to keep tabs on what her husband does. It becomes her mission to keep a watch on the husband’s whereabouts at all times. Hence the husband is unknowingly or knowingly raising a monster out of his wife.
If there isn’t a pretty, gold digger woman at workplace, then it is the dil phenk husband who is eager to marry for no reason at all. He cannot help but fall in love with a woman he keeps secret from his family ( wife and children). Since he is cultured and broad minded but also conservative, he feels the need to make his secret affair a halal one. Hence he gets married and keeps the dosri shadi a hush hush until the second wife starts to become insecure and in dramatic events spills the beans.
Koi hal dosri shadi ka ?
It is a conundrum. There are somethings in life that remain complex. The matter of dosri shadi remains once such mystery. We laugh it off when our comedians make jokes about men and their dosri shadi. The most famous and shared jokes in our culture revolve around marriages, men and women. It is all good when it isn’t about your own husband.
However, our culture is an amalgamation of contradictory things. The second marriage is one of them. Take Imran Khan and his marriages. He doesn’t even have a wife who could object to his desire of a 3rd marriage but he sure does have the entire Pakistan to poke their nose. And this is part of the problem. We Pakistanis like to poke our noses in everyone’s business. Especially when the matter is about matrimonial then people sniff it from afair. Dosri shadi might not be a problem if every tom dick and harry would not interfere in people’s personal matters.