Desi Weddings And Our Big Mouths

Shadi ho aur hum na jayen? As much as we love desi wedding, we also cannot resist to keep our big mouths shut.

The return trips back home from our desi weddings are more interesting than the wedding itself. That is the time we gossip among family in the car. It is the post shadi discussions/gossip we do with our friends that add tarka to our desi wedding charm.

Following are a few common things we never get tired on commenting.

1. Discussion on food

Food is a big issue in our society. Be it food on a wedding or a funeral, it is our birth right to discuss it and then take a burp. Funnily we eat heaps of rice and botiyan and meetha and sip on that hot kashmiri chai. But it only sits well in our tummies when we criticize it.

via shadi tiyari

“Khaanay mai ghee kitna ajeeb tha, mera tu gala hi kharab ho raha hai.”

“Mere pait mai dard hai, mera khiyal hai chawalon mai oil kharab tha.”

How about eating less and not blame the oil?

“Catering bilkol achi nahi thi, gosht kacha tha, namak bhi ziyada tha.”

2. Analysis on bride and groom

What is a wedding if we don’ talk about the main attraction of the event; the bride and the groom. Ah well we have high opinion of ourselves and very low opinion of others. So we jump on the bandwagon with others and start to comment on the new couple.

“Did you see the groom? Moulvi tha pora!”

“Larki larkay se bari lag rahi thi, lagta hai love marriage hai, huh?”

“Larka tu abhi se itna mota hai, aur larki ke bazuuuu, tauba!”

“Larkay ke height kuch…”

“Waise dono aik hi jaisay lag rahay thay, waqai made for each other.”

3. Evaluating bride’s dress and make up

desi weddings

Women are primarily interested in what the bride wears and how she looks. The weddings today are incomplete if we don’t take enough selfies with the bride because then we have to upload them on Facebook without the consent of the bride. With smiles plastered on our face, we take selfies and group photos with the beautiful bride.

“Buhat piyari lag rahi ho bai, mashAllah mashAllah.”

“Kitna roop aya hai.”

Mission accomplished.  But the cherry on the top only comes when we go through the photos or leave the bridal room and start off with:

“dulhan ka make up kum, cake ki icing ziada lag raha tha.” 

“Is ki jewelry fake lag rahi thi.”

“Why is she not wearing red? Aj ke din tu traditional hona chahiyay bai”

“kounsay designer ke kapray hain?”

Also Read about these Social Stigmas that have poisoned our society

4. Hosts’ disappointing hospitality

The phophies and khalas, in fact  the entire beradari (extended family) goes home unhappy with the way they get treated on the wedding. The poor parents of the bride and groom hear it from ‘other’ relatives or friends that ‘falanay falanay rishtaydar ne kuch keh dia’. The gossip travels back to the wedding hosts about rishtaydar complaining of not given enough time.

via campusghanta

“Pata nahi kahan hai sub, humay tu koi pooch hi nahi raha.”

“Humay tu kisi ne receive hi nahi kia.”

“Khanay ke time Suraiya bhi nai ayi or na hi bhai saab.”

5. Rating people’s clothes and jewelry

desi weddings
Via gr-assets

The younger lot in the wedding is evaluating everyone else’s clothes especially those of the other side. They check people for their style in fashion, the way others are talking, to the mobile phones being used.

“Us ke in laws tu buhat paindu lagta hain. Un ke kapray dekhay thay?”

“How out dated were the clothes of the groom’s family.”

6. Meri seat ‘mul’ ke rakhna

desi weddings
Via Amazonaws

Meri seat sambhaal ke rakhna mai aati hoon. Kissi ko baithnay na dena yahan. We have done this since our school days and can’t seem to get over our obsession even in shadis. Sometimes the sitting space and the number of guests don’t match. People start to own the seats they take in weddings. I mean who likes to stand around during an entire wedding. Hence the ‘seat mul ke rakhna’ strategy. However, some stubborn aunty comes and says, ‘beta mai uth jaon gi.’ But more interesting is our discussion on how the sitting space was inadequate.

How about we try to say only good things about the bride, groom and their families who put in their money and time to entertain a lot of guests. But then how would we digest our shadi ka khana? Jo bilkol mazay ka nahi tha!